Friends

In 2 Corinthians 6, verses 14-17, Paul says things such as "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers". What does this mean about my friendships at school and in my sports? Some of my friends swear etc, but I choose not to follow that behavior. I also have non-believer friends who are kind and well - behaved. Should I continue to be friends with them, or should I do something about this?

2 Cor 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?

16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.

Unequally Yoked

OK, so before we get into the main part of this question, let’s establish some truth first.

What does Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers mean?

Primarily this talks about marriage. Don't be a believer that chooses to marry an unbeliever.

We don’t create truth but we use the bible to show us what it means. It interprets itself.

So how do we get from a verse about oxen pulling a plough to marriage.

Well, the picture is of an unequal yolk, a big oxen on one side, and a small oxen on the other.

In this situation, the big oxen pulls ahead of the smaller one, and they end up going around in circles.

They are joined together and need to work together for their life. They aren't off working independently.

When we join this up with the following verses:

1 Cor 7.39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

Deut 7.1When the Lord thy God shall bring thee into the land whither thou goest to possess it, and hath cast out many nations before thee, the Hittites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than thou;

2 And when the Lord thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:

3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son.

4 For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly.

We see that God has created a principle where when you can choose who you will marry and you are a believer, God is calling you to marry in the Lord, or another believer.

And why?

Because if you choose not, they will turn you away from God to other gods.

It’s draining to be in constant conflict, so if you stand for God and your wife or husband doesn’t, then it is so hard to keep standing for God, and you will often turn to follow your husband or wife’s gods rather than keep on fighting.

This is even harder, if you’ve chosen this situation.

Remember though, we’re looking at something different here if you both didn’t know the Lord, then got married, then you find the Lord, there are other verses we can cover to answer what to do in that situation. But we'll do that another day.

But here God is addressing the young man or young woman who tells us “He's so cute though, and he makes me feel so good” or “She's so fine, and she takes care of me so well.”

If that's it, you are choosing a whole heap of trouble for yourself.

Friends

So then with that foundation, lets move onto friends and friendship.

What does the bible say about friends.

Lets get to the truth in Gods word.

1 Cor 5.9 I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:

10 Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.

11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolator, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

Be in the world

So we start with a principle that we don’t need to leave the world, and leave everyone who is a sinner.

To do that we would need to go out of the world.

I sometimes watch things about the Amish, and they seem to be looking for something good, which is to separate themselves from the wrong in this world, but it’s not in line with what God calls us to do here.

So principle number 1 is that we are to be around un-believers. It’s a big witness to them, they get to see whether what Sir or Miss or Mum or Dad does is any different to everyone else when they have God.

Do they really love their neighbour as themselves?

So be around others, and be the friend of sinners to witness to them.

One example from my own life in how this has played out, and you can ask lots of believers and they will give you lots of examples like this so I’m not special, but:

At work, often people swear, but I don’t. I don’t say anything to them, but I won't join in, and I won’t smile or laugh at it when they do it.

One team member who saw and knew that I was a believer, but often swore, called me out on a team call like this:

“Ahh man, I always feel bad swearing when David is on a call”

To which my reply was

“That's not me, I’ve not told you to do anything, that’s your conscience speaking”

And I left it at that.

Now I’m not telling you to respond like this, I had a good relationship with him, so I could get away with being more direct, and he was generally direct with me but you can work out your own way to do this.

But your behaviour around unbelievers could be one of the things that God uses to speak to them and convict them.

Evil companions

Next principle:

1 Cor 15:33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

This is a little bit hard for us to see clearly in older english.

The communications word can also be translated companionship

And the word for manners can be translated character

Which gives us something along the lines of evil companionship corrupts good character.

Be careful who you spend time with, as if they're evil, it will corrupt your character.

Again this goes for marriage, as your husband or wife should be your closest friend.

But also goes for all those friends that you spend time with.

If they are evil or sinful in their behaviour, then it will corrupt your character.

You will likely go along with what they do, as it’s really hard to be left out.

My wife as an example when she first found the Lord found it tough. The friends she had would want her to come clubbing with them as she’d done before she was saved, she chose not to, but it wasn’t easy.

In time she formed new friendships with believers, but the friends you have will have an effect on you.

Walk with the wise

One more verse:

Proverbs 13.20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.

If you walk with the wise, you will be wise, but if you are a companion of fools it will lead to your destruction.

The friends you have will affect you, for good or for bad.

Notice that this verse isn’t even talking about believers or unbelievers.

If someone is behaving in a foolish or sinful way then consider whether you should be around them as a friend.

An example of this is some friends that may gossip, and I've found this to be true even of believers. You’ve told them about it, and they still don’t stop.

You know that you shouldn’t be a part of this.

In this situation you may need to take yourself away from the friendship, especially if the people are believers, and you aren’t trying to win them to Christ.

Be intentional

Be intentional about the friends you choose, those who you spend your time with, and those who you share your deepest parts with.

How much time is too much to spend with those who you are friendly with? 

You will need you to reflect with wisdom here, but as an example, my wife meets an unbelieving friend every couple of months for breakfast, so that she still has a witness and can show her love, but not so much that the things she doesn’t that aren’t in line with God's word will be a part of what they do. 

Or I have a relationship with some guys who work in my block. I will talk with them often each day for 5 - 10 minutes and show them love, and I’d even meet with them to eat, though I haven’t yet. But I wouldn’t share my deepest parts with them, or necessarily look to them for advice, or do all of the things they do or go to the places they go.

Don’t just choose friends because they are fun to be around and a great laugh, and make you feel good.

Choose intentionally because they will be a blessing to you, and draw you closer to God, or because you will be a blessing to them and draw them closer to God and what he calls us to.

3 key friends

I want to give you a useful principle for choosing 3 key friends. I don’t always follow this, but I try.

Choose one friend who is ahead of you in the stage of life you are in, so that you can gain guidance and wisdom and help to navigate through the stage of life you are in.

Choose one friend who is a peer and is able to walk through the same struggles you walk through and you can encourage each other forward as you do.

Choose one friend who is a stage behind you, so that you can share that wisdom with them, love them and help them forward in their walk, and share some of your faults and failings with as well as how God has helped you grow and become more like Him.

Know that friends change over time, and friends may not be for your whole life, and that's ok.

Choose friends who will love you just as you are, but will alongside that encourage you to grow and walk through this life in obedience to God. They will love you, but not validate you when you are in sin.

A friend like this will be a blessing to you.

So I don’t know if I’ve answered the question, but if I were to sum it up, it would be - 

1. Be friendly to and love others, no matter who they are, and have a witness to them

2. Don’t spend much time or have deep friendship with people who chose evil and sin as it will have an effect on you. 

3. Choose friends that you share yourself with, the good and the bad, that will help you and encourage you in your walk through this life. Most of all, ones that will encourage you to walk closer with God.

Final thing is, there is no better friend than God, so make Him your first and closest friend.

Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.